Dear spider on my ceiling...
You stare at me like you want to be my friend, but your hairy legs and plethora of eye balls say otherwise. You have been watching me from above and you have not made any attacks on me so far. I am almost inclined to be your friend, but your frown is very unfriendly and you fangs are quite frightening. So how, may I ask, can we be friends? I hate to say that I am scared of you, not because of who you are, but because of what you are. You may be a nice guy: friendly and kind, but I judge you from the outside. You are a spider. I do not like spiders. Spiders scare me. So, you scare me and I do not like you. This may hurt your feelings and this may make you angry, because you want to be accepted for who you are, I totally understand. Now, unfortunately I have to kill you, because I took a picture of you for my blog - all close up - and now I get the eeby jeebies thinking about you watching me as I sleep, waiting to suck my blood... if only you were Edward. I will don rubber gloves and use 5 squares of paper towel to ensure that no spider juices get on me. This may be a non-eco friendly way of murdering you, spider on my ceiling, but it just has to be done. Goodbye and sorry, dude.
Frightened beyond belief,
Rachelle.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
ReplyDeleteSpiders? Don't bother me. They usually stand still, or creep slowly. The only time I kill them is when they're on blankets, near food, or in bed.
Giant buzzing insects, however? I want to destroy them. Not out of fear, but because they're fucking gross (well, mostly giant flies).
I just came from a meeting where this HUGE horsefly was dive bombing the table for TWO HOURS.