Hello this is the XX XX Health Clinic.... we have some bad news.

I already called my boyfriend, Jay, and my only best friend that I know is awake and at her desk at work at 8am... and told both of them this story... and since I am not sick of telling it yet... and none of my other best friends would be keen on talking to me this early in the morning... I will tell you (and subsequently the girls that won't pick up the phone at 8am... since they all read this blog and will eventually read this story. Hi lovies!)

So I work nights as a nurse... and on my way home I am exhausted after working a 12 (sometimes 13) hour shift.  So, I choose to listen to the most obnoxious radio stations on the way home.  They usually hold scandalous conversations with their listeners ranting about bad stripper experiences, how their first threesome experience was, or how they hooked up with some nasty guy and he kept on calling and calling. 

Well, this morning a girl named Ashley calls into the radio station because she thinks her boyfriend is cheating on her.  So the radio station calls him with Ashley listening... and it goes something like this...

Radio> Hello is this John Doe? (I can't remember his real name)

John> Yes it is. Who is this?

Radio> John, this is the XX XX Health Clinic. We have a few questions for you if that is okay.

John> Yeah sure... what is this about?? (Boy is suspecting something is awry at this point)

Radio> Have you been sexually active within the last 90 days.

John> uhhh yeah... what is this about??! (Boy is really suspecting something is wrong)

Radio> Well, one of our patients tested positive for a sexually transmitted disease and listed you as one of the people she had been sexually involved with in the last 90 days.

John> I haven't had any symptoms!

Radio> Well, the truth is that many people with STDs do not experience symptoms at all. (and this is true... advice from a nurse)

John> Well who is this person? Who has the STD??!! (totally freaking out now)

Radio> We can't actually tell you who the person was.  We are, however, required to ask you the names of those you have been sexually active with within the last 90 days.  

John> (First... he names his girlfriend, Ashley, and then... he says HER BEST FRIEND'S NAME!!!)

Then... you hear the girlfriend go ape shit and scream bloody murder at her boyfriend.

John> ASHLEY??!! What??? I was just on the phone with a... wait... What the %$#@!#$!!!

Then... the radio station starts playing Mexican Fiesta music and chants...

Radio> you are a CHEATER!! you are a CHEATER!!! (with maracas keeping the beat... no joke)

I about died laughing.  He totally deserves the embarrassment if he really is cheating on his girlfriend.  It was just so dramatic... I was hanging onto every sentence of that conversation. The radio station was so convincing! I would have totally believed them, too.

Anyway... I just HAD to tell that story!